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back to school

Writer's picture: Ella SellmanElla Sellman


I've been back to school for about two weeks now, and I don't know if I'm liking it. Its nice to be here at school, with my routine, but I hate not being in the same room as Hadley, my roommate from last year. We’re not even in the same dorm, which is very hard. I keep having panic attacks, and like loss of momentum. Im very busy. I am taking hard classes, and the stress of junior year is already getting to me. I wake up early, try my best to eat breakfast, take my meds, then go to class. I love class, but its so incredibly draining. Trying to stay focused and engaged is hard for me, but i do it. Unfortunately, this means by 3:00, im completely exhausted and just want to take a break. I have soccer practice every single day at 3:30, and that makes me want to curl up in a ball and be alone. So once soccer is over, im done with like everything. Like all i want to do is be alone in a dark room. This is not good. And after this happened once, i got into a hole of like darkness, and its only been 2 weeks. Long story short, im still in that hole, counting down the seconds until i can go to bed, and making excuses to get out of soccer, because I'm so drained. 


I get nervous to talk to people about this, especially the other girls at school. I just want to fit in with all of them. I think ive been doing a good job trying to branch out and become better friends with the girls in my grade, but i can still feel the gap between all of us. This is silly, but even though i hang out with them, im not in the like friend group group chats, so i miss out on a lot. That is silly, but it is just how ive been feeling recently. 


Thank you for listening to my rant. Im sorry for being so mia since ive been back at school. Ill keep doing my best to write more blog posts, and hopefully record a new podcast episode. Ill talk to you all soon!


xoxo,

ella

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